I'm sitting in Gabe's apartment writing this, wondering how I ended up here and where I will go from here. I mean, I know where I will go from here to a certain extent. I've already bought my plane ticket home. But I've been so looking forward to coming here that I haven't necessarily counted on how I will react/deal/"live" when I go home. I suppose I'm excited about working. But still, it's strange that the thing I've been so eagerly awaiting is now quickly passing me by.

Okay, so I suppose the purpose of this entry is to chronicle first impressions of Japan (admittedly my first impression stage has already sort of passed me by). I guess I'm slowly settling into the honeymoon stage (soon to be ripped forcefully from it). One thing I can say about Japan is that everything is incredibly effeminate. I thought I was ready for the barrage of cute having been (recently) to Taiwan, but in Japan cuteness is coupled with cleanliness with is coupled with moderate amounts of politeness.

Also, my first exposure to Japan was Kyoto... which, as any travel guide will tell you, is preposterously beautiful. ...but, as I found, kind of in a Disney way. With everything being almost too perfect.

I've only had one bad dinning experience thus far, but merely because the food was ill-prepared and too salty. Or rather, I haven't had any problems with food "strangeness". Gabe made some kimchi nabe last night which was pretty good, and other days we've feasted on delicious items such as shabu shabu, ramen, udon noodles, tonkatsu (pork cutlets), bibimba (korean), and lots of beer. And some plum wine. And rice, naturally. And lotsa hot canned coffee. And royal milk tea. AAAAANNNNDDD....some delicious cake. and a frozen banana crepe. aaanndd...yea...I think this trip thus far has been mostly about the food.


Two days ago we went to the Chichu Museum, where we saw some awe-inspiring monet paintings, along with lots of funky contemporary art. The museum itself was a few hours away from gabe's village, on a tiny island (about 16 miles around) and we had to take the ferry to get there. It was a pretty relaxing excursion, everything considered.



And so I will bring this to a close now... I'll probably be in Okawa for the rest of the week before I fly back to the states.

<3

*stef*

I'm alone in my apartment. It's snowing hard. Funny how I've ended up here. Strangely, I don't regret any of the choices that have brought me to this point. I was OK leaving Taiwan when I did...and seriously, I think it was for the better. However, time to time I miss my co-workers and being immersed in a foreign language. Chinese is so rad! Haha. No, but really, compared to some of the other languages I've studied (Arabic, French), I find Chinese a lot more...rewarding. And characters are fun. Not like Arabic script...which is dull, repetitious and friggin' difficult.

That said, I leave for Japan in under two weeks!!! Yee Ha! Haha. Wow, I never thought I'd be headed back (to Asia) so soon. I'm gonna spend so much money on cutesy Asian crap. I can feel it. That, and I will probably take lots o'fotos and post'em all here, cause I'm not a facebook fool anymore.

I'm sort of hurting for friends here...most of my usual buddies have fled town in pursuit of different cities and livelihoods. I feel somewhat silly sticking around. Of course, it may be for the best because I'm still trying to sort out just what it is I want from my life right now. If given access to any location or occupation in the world I have no idea how I would respond. Perhaps vaguely "close to the equator" and near "hot dark-skinned men".

Ha.

I guess I have a couple of *real* goals. Here they are:

1. Learn the keyboard
2. Keep drawing
3. Keep story-writing
4. Knit
5. Cook; more
6. Look at prospective graduate schools abroad --- preferably near the equator + hot dark skinned men (Hawaii???) ++ GREs
7. Buy a van at some point and live out of it.
8. Sing more
9. Dance more -- lessons??
10. NOLS? Guatemala?? Something heroic this summer.

Anyway, these might as well read as a list of new year's resolutions. I just want to get in shape and be generally awesome.

Soon to come:: Pictures of Japan1!!!

I tend to remember my life in segments. I'm not sure if most people do this with memories...maybe it's just me (unlikely) but I clump areas of my life together. There's time before, during and after my braces. There's my first bra (and life with boobs following very very shortly thereafter), there's middle-school and non-middle school. There's periods of dating particular people and being single. There's depression and ravergasms. There's dog and no dog. There's before and after my cat (Charmin) died under unfortunate circumstances. There was college and everything before college (things tend to get condensed on my time line as I age...) and the college/before college "area" is a border I would say I was straddling a week ago. I used to look back on high school. Now I'm looking back on my time at UVM. What did I learn? What have I accomplished? I don't have much of a working social group. My job is mediocre. Don't get me wrong...I love life. I'm excited about finally being able to do what it is I wanted to do in that before college block. I'm just not sure how to regard college now. Was it a waste of my time? A waste of my family's money? The short answer is probably "no". There's security to be gained from a college degree. I can assuredly attain some mid-level manager position somewhere with it if times are rough. But maybe college was otherwise just a distraction from my other goals. If so, I've been set back a full four years. ...

Here goes nothing.

Smoking too much. Back sore. Eyes droopy. I look outside and its sunny. How dare the sun shine when I feel this way! I just want to crawl into bed and forget it all. This pleasant weather changes nothing. I don't know what came over me, but I cried when I read the news this morning...it's all so fucked.

I haven't touched this thing in a long time. All for the better I suppose. Whenever I'm lead to internet distractions my real life pursuits seem to suffer. Recently, I've come to question my social stamina. It still remains true that I keep in better touch with my GAIM/MSN friends then I do those I interact with in the flesh and blood. I get sad around people...and I'm just starting to understand why. There's a part of me that aches when people are actively bumbling about trying to hone in on a friendly connection. These connections are so important but it rarely happens that you find someone that you can identify with and and grow to love and desire. I have so many interactions daily where I talk to people on a level I know will never grow to be anything greater then what it is at present. And while I want to have deep connections with people I frequently find myself at a loss for who to develop said connections with. I've had these connections and I've felt them tear apart. Ripped away by stress and overt abuse of trust and loyalty. I just see this long cruel cycle of building things up only to have them fall down again...destroyed by time, age...wear. Abandoned out of boredom. I often feel like Sisyphus. A condemned man forced to repeat the same movements...over...and over....I have this terrible feeling that life on Earth is more punishment and less happenstance. I want to see magic and freedom again. I want to see my own power to influence everything around me. I know it's there. I just don't know why it left me or how I can get it back. It must be the case that if I know what I want I can move towards it.